


From Experience

by Sonamae



Category: Godsfall, Godsfall Podcast D&D Campaign
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Comfort, Crying, Gross Boyfriends being Cute, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 20:16:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10861314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonamae/pseuds/Sonamae
Summary: Pera has a panic attack and Xion is a strong supportive boyfriend who knows how that feels.





	From Experience

**Author's Note:**

> Do you love DnD? Do you love Podcasts? Do you love intricate story telling and riveting plot? Do you love gay disasters? Check out Godsfall!

The start of Pera’s panic attack was subtle, a flicker Xion caught out of the corner of his eye. A small spark went off in the bend between Pera’s neck and shoulder and arched toward his ear, and Xion watched as Pera’s entire body stiffened. Xion didn’t know if anyone else saw it, as wrapped up as they were in their frivolity, but he had. No matter what was going on around him, Pera always caught his eye.

Xion hadn’t known it was going to devolve into a panic attack at first, he’d just seen the small spark followed by another. He watched Pera’s tight swallow and tiny tremble. Xion looked at him and saw the way his fists had clenched against his thighs, saw how his breath had caught in the Addams apple of his throat. He was on his feet before he knew what was really happening, instinct pulling him toward Pera as if he were Magnetism and not Force.

But he’d always been drawn to the Sun.

“Pera,” he kept his voice soft, a hand extended but not touching, “what’s wrong?”

When Pera finally looked up at him his eyes were flicking all around, confused and slightly foggy. One of his fingers twitched, his robes pulling tight beneath his fists. When he spoke his voice was barely a whisper.

“I don’t know.” A crackle of fire curled around his collarbone, tears welling up in his eyes. His hand reached out finally, gripping Xion’s until his knuckles turned white. When their eyes locked, Xion’s breath caught and he pulled Pera to his feet.

“We’re going.” He insisted. Pera just nodded, his free arm curling close to his chest as he huddled in to Xion’s side. Once they got inside, Xion made sure to shut the door behind him.

The spark at Pera’s collar snapped, an audible warning that made Xion flinch.

“Clothes off, you’re about to go up in flames.” He said as he reached out to push the robe off Pera’s shoulders.

“I’m not.” Pera still pulled his clothes off, tossing them toward the bed until he was left in nothing. The sparks across his body were faster now, Pera’s own breathing catching up with them until an arc of flame zipped across his chest and startled him into taking a step back. “No, no I’m fine? I thought I was fine? Everything is… everything is really loud and I can’t…”

“Pera it’s okay.” Xion tried for placating, but that only made the flames burn brighter and arch higher.

“No it isn’t! I don’t-Xion what’s-” He jerked back when Xion reached for his hand. “Stop, I don’t want to hurt you!” His breathing was audible now, hot steam puffing out of his lungs like smoke. His fists had erupted into flames and he started shaking them, trying desperately to put them out. “I’m not doing this, I’m not! Why is this happening?”

Xion stood firm. “Pera, you’re panicking.” He knew what that was like. “It’ll pass, it happens, I’m right here.”

Pera’s eyes looked up, the sclera of his eye beginning to glow and creep into his cornea. “This-this doesn’t feel right. This isn’t going to go away, something, Xion something’s wrong with me.” Pera’s back hit the wall and the wood began to sizzle. A second later he had scrambled away from it, a wheeze escaping his lips.

“Pera, Pera I need you to look at me.” Xion took a few steps forward as he started to undress. No need in fucking up his own clothes at this point.

Pera glanced at him, saw him undressing, and held up both hands.

“No! Xion you can’t come over here! I can’t hurt you again!” His voice was starting to rise in octaves.

“You won’t.” Xion tossed his boots across the room and let them thump against the wall. “Pera you’ve gotten so much better, I trust you.”

“That makes one of us!” He nearly shouted it, his fists pushing into his hair as flames licked up his elbows and began twirling around his ankles. “Xion please-”

He didn’t see Xion make a grab for him, but he did feel the hand wrap around his bicep and pull him forward. For a split second Pera wanted to scream in fear, terrified that the heat would burn away at Xion’s flesh.

But it didn’t. Where Xion’s hand rested the flames turned blue, coiling gently up Xion’s wrist and fading out. Where Xion touched him he felt the bridge of their powers, felt the warmth Xion always flowed into him. Xion watched Pera’s eyes dart between the flame and his hand, then to Xion’s face where they lingered.

“I trust you, always.” Xion whispered it, fingers loose on Pera’s bicep. “It’s going to be okay. I’m right here.” He held his arms out in open invitation, watching the way Pera fought to catch his breath.

The tears he’d been holding back fell freely and quietly as Pera stepped into Xion’s arms and pressed close to his chest. His legs gave out after a moment, and Xion curled both arms around him as he brought them to the floor. Pera curled up in his lap, face buried against Xion’s shoulder as he fought to catch his breath.

The red and orange of his flames curled in, wrapping both himself and Xion in a soft blue light. Xion made sure to give Pera an easy escape route should he really need it, but otherwise he remained silent as he carded his fingers through Pera’s hair and felt the quick beat of his heart against his chest.

The fire crackled and sputtered, and Xion lost track of time as he sat there on the floor, Pera curled close as the light of his fire slowly dimmed. Whatever had set Pera off he hadn’t consciously taken it in, but something had affected him. Over the months they’d been traveling things had gotten so much better, but apparently even Gods weren’t immune to panic and anxiety.

Eventually the light of the flames went out, and Pera was left sniffling and huddled in Xion’s arms. He didn’t want to be the one to break the spell of the silence between them, but as Pera trembled he realized he needed to speak. Pera needed to hear something familiar, he needed normalcy.

“We should probably get some water in you, maybe put your clothes back on?” He kept his voice to a whisper, afraid that if he spoke any louder Pera might fall back into panic.

Thank fuck he knew how to handle this already, having grown up trying to hide his own waves of fear.

Slowly, Pera lifted his face from Xion’s shoulder and nodded. His face was streaked with tears, his body covered in a cold sweat. He looked a wreck with his hair a mess and his gaze downcast, snot dibbling down his upper lip before he wiped it off on the back of his hand.

He was still so utterly beautiful.

“Water sounds nice.” Pera whispered it back, voice hoarse. Xion nodded and bent forward, lips pressed to Pera’s temple. “I don’t want you to go though.”

“It’s just across the room.” Xion pushed Pera’s hair out of the way before he bumped their noses together. Pera shut his eyes and leaned in, nuzzling his own nose against the side of Xion’s.

“I know.” His arms wrapped around Xion’s shoulders and he shifted in his lap. “I never feel as safe as I do when you’re here with me though. Thank you for always knowing how to take care of me, I‘m such a mess.”

Xion’s heart fluttered in his chest.

“Yeah, but you’re _my_ mess.” He smiled and reached out with his power, floating the pitcher of water and a cup over. When it settled next to them, he poured the cup full and passed it to Pera with a smile. “My sweaty, crying disaster boyfriend.”

Pera’s laughter was as bright as the light he emitted. “I love you.” He said it with such conviction as he took the cup that Xion’s cheeks hurt from how happy he was.

“I love you too.” He leaned in slowly, pressing a gentle kiss against Pera’s lips before he tapped the bottom of the cup with his finger. “Now drink up, then we’ll wash you up and get dressed.” He watched as Pera nodded and took a slow sip. His hands weren’t shaking as much, and his eyes were far more focused than they had been. His face was still flush, and Xion knew he’d do anything to keep Pera safe, even if it meant keeping him safe from himself.

He’d never loved anyone this much.


End file.
